i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
