I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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