No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
