i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
