my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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