worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
