Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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