Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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