I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize