Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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