ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
