Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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