Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize