I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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