May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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