I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Operation Purity has been aborted
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
