i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize