Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize