Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
