my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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