Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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