I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
