after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
