Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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