i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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