She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
