its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
