..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
