I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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