evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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