Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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