Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
