Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
