Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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