i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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