So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
