I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
