Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
