I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
