I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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