just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
