I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
