im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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