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I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
