I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
