It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize