i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
