you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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