Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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