forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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