im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you had me at cake vodka
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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