I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
