Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
as a side note pls kill me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
