We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
