LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
