Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
