I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
