I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
