im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
