this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
