I want to have your abortion
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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