I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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