Can i not drive my cunt home
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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