Kiss
Puke
You work out of a Hotel?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
40s are totally the cure
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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