Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
