At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
