paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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