i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
